Toilet Humour in Thailand

I think its fair to say that British expats along with their stay at home countrymen have a certain fascination when it comes to toilets and toilet humour.

My friend Martin in Bulgaria recently told a tale on his blog about a snake disappearing into the toilet on his allotment and I have read of others that seem to be keen to recall evens that occur in the smallest room in the house.

I've a few tales myself, like the day I found my partners niece squatting on the seat of my flush toilet. Being Thai she was not familiar with the sit down version of Mr Crappers device, since Thais favour the Asian style toilet where the user squats rather than sits.

Talking about the toilet in my home reminds me of my early days here in Thailand. My new home like most houses in the country is not connected to a mains sewer. Instead we have three concrete lined holes in the garden, the Thai version of a sceptic tank.

Everything was fine when we first moved in the toilet flushed OK and you could not tell the difference from home. However after about fourteen days when I flushed the toilet although the contents were flushed away it started making a "glugging" sound! I inspected the tanks and found they were full. Not knowing any better I sent for the sanitary man who for about £6 pumped the contents into his truck. This process was repeated about every two weeks. Somewhat expensive in my view.

Knowing nothing about sceptic systems I did some research, words like drain fields and bacteria became a new part of my vocabulary. I soon discovered there was no conventional drain field for the water and the bacteria were not getting a chance to work because I kept getting them pumped out. I asked a Thai friend how often he emptied his tanks. Never was the answer!

Further research followed and I hit upon the idea of venting the tanks, since I figured the bacteria might like a bit of oxygen to help with the process and it might stop the glugging sound by allowing trapped air to escape. The vents were installed and I then resisted the temptation to empty the tanks even when visually they appeared full.

Well the toilet continued to work, it still glugged a bit, but everything flushed away. So where was the water going? Another Thai friend provided the answer, the tank liners were in fact concrete rings and not sealed so the excess water leached into the sub-soil through the gaps were the rings fitted together. Not a true drain field but a route for the water to escape none the less.

I now only need to empty the tanks twice a year, which makes me happy but has no doubt disappointed the sanitary man who has seem a large reduction in his income from me!